Stoner Charlie

Charlie Brown and Linus were leisurely scaling an upward path of rocks protruding out of a shallow pool in a brick-paved plaza towards the large boulder in the center under the bright mid-morning sun. Charlie explained to Linus that earlier he'd found a couple hand-rolled cigarettes in a depression near the top of the boulder, Linus accompanying him presumably because he'd expressed an interest in smoking when Charlie Brown had a pack of Marlboros, that were confiscated by Charlie's mom. They were still there, and when Linus examined one he sniffed it and commented on how funny it smelled, whereupon Charlie Brown lit his and Linus' and inhaled, agreeing that it also tasted a bit odd. Undeterred, the both smoked their cigarettes with much hacking and coughing. Shortly afterward they both started laughing and holding a strangely incoherent and disjointed conversation that wasn't really a conversation at all.

Their friends showed up and asked them what they were doing, but on receiving no reply that made any sense from the giggling and gibbering idiots Lucy asked Charlie what the hell was wrong with them. Anyway, it was time to go to Charlie's house and so Charlie and Linus stumbled down to join their friends in the plaza and off they went. Because Charlie and Linus kept uttering the queerest and nonsensical things and kept giggling and chuckling, Lucy repeatedly scowled at them and the rest exchanged puzzled glances. Upon arrival at Charlie's house everyone gathered into the kitchen, whereupon Linus froze and stared dumbly out into space while Charlie started slowly jerking his head around with his eyes glazed and after sniffing some Comet started tossing it up in shafts of sunlight streaming in from the windows and oohing and awing as the lime-colored clots of heavy dust fell to the floor, commenting on how cool it looked. After a time wherein this and similar such antics occurred Charlie's mother returned home to an apartment that was thoroughly trashed and in the midst of which stood a group of children looking both guilty and worried looks, except for the mute Linus and Comet-covered Charlie, who on noticing her walked up to her grinning and held up to her what looked like a PC tablet that had speakers and proceeded to play a dissonant Ween-like song relating how in 1984 the doggies will get their revenge, rise up and enslave us, the lyrics to which he'd obviously made while in his delirium scrolling down the screen.

"That's nice," his mom replied in a surprisingly offhand manner considering the condition of the apartment and her son, "Now clean this mess up immediately!" Whereat Charlie's friends leave without a word, leading the still-entranced Linus with them by the hand. Time shifts forward into evening and Charlie, appearing to be back to his senses, nervously walks up to his mother sitting on an easy chair and reading a paper and asks her what it means to be high. Not even taking the paper down she replies casually that it depends on the kind of drug you're on.